“Amma, I’m going to sleep in ajji’s room with S tonight,” Bataany announced at dinnertime. “Yeah, right!” the Cruella de Vila mom in me whispered. Outwardly nonchalant, I said “Yeah of course! You both ought to do that. Such fun!”
“Let’s see how many minutes she lasts there,” I sniggered to A. And we both sniggered some more.
Time for bed. The mattresses were laid, pillows and blankets gathered from the room, soft toys arranged, and the three cousins proceeded to jump and laugh and horse around. Which went on and on and on. Finally the littlest one went off to bed with her parents and I warned the other two: “You both better go to sleep right away. I’m sleeping now. Don’t come running to me later to put you to bed!” Which obviously fell into deaf ears.
So I went to my room, closed the door, lay down on the bed, and waited. And waited. And waited. Finally the door opened. Yay! “Amma, I forgot to say goodnight to you! Goodnight amma! Goodnight bed! Goodnight cupboard! Goodnight stickers!” and off she ran out, as fast as she had come in.
“Better keep the door unlocked tonight. She’ll come running again in no time. Hehe,” we thought. And then I waited again. And waited. How could I sleep without her sturdy slim little legs on my tummy? Or her little fists under my neck? Or the perfume of her curls in my nose, or the softness of her cheeks against mine? And I slowly drifted off to sleep, still secretly hoping she WILL come running to amma.
In the morning, there was no Bataany next to me, and the door was still closed. Did that mean she slept without her amma’s lullabies? Without me patting her? Nooo it’s too early for her to do that, she’s still too young! I can’t let go of her yet! Has my baby flown the nest? Gasp!! Does that mean she doesn’t need me anymore? Have I become redundant??
Melodrama done with, I go to ajji’s room to check on the girls. How peaceful she looked, long lashes resting on her perfect round cheeks. With the elephant sitting next to her. And then I sat there sniffling next to her and watched her breathe in and out, and I couldn’t help but wonder if this was it. Did she discover the sweet taste of independence?
